If you're a parent reading this, you're already doing one of the most important things you can do: paying attention. Teens often won't ask for help directly. They show you in other ways, and a parent who's tuned in is the single biggest protective factor in adolescent mental health.
What's Normal vs. What's Not
Adolescence involves real shifts — moodiness, eye rolls, more time alone, friend group reshuffles. None of that is automatically a problem. The signals worth paying attention to are changes in pattern that last more than a couple of weeks:
- Sleep that's significantly more or less than usual
- Withdrawal from activities or friends they used to enjoy
- Slipping grades in a previously engaged student
- Major shifts in appetite or energy
- Increased irritability, especially that comes out of nowhere
- Talking about feeling hopeless, worthless, or wanting to disappear
- Self-harm, even small or hidden
- Increased substance use
Any conversation about wanting to die, or not being here, deserves immediate professional attention. Call 988 if you're not sure what to do.
How to Open the Conversation
Direct, low-pressure, not at the dinner table. Some openers that tend to land:
- 'I've noticed you seem more tired lately. How are you really doing?'
- 'I'm not trying to fix anything. I just want to check in.'
- 'You don't have to tell me everything, but I want you to know I'm here when you're ready.'
The car works well — side-by-side conversation is less intense than face-to-face. So do walks, errands, and late-night kitchen moments.
What Not to Do
- Don't problem-solve immediately. Let them feel heard first.
- Don't overreact. If they sense your panic, they'll edit what they share next time.
- Don't pry through their phone. Trust matters more than any single piece of information.
When to Bring in a Therapist
If your teen is struggling for more than a few weeks, if they're asking for help, or if you're worried, those are all valid reasons. Many teens warm up to therapy faster than parents expect — having a confidential adult who isn't a parent is often a relief.
For LGBTQ+ Teens Especially
An affirming therapist can be lifesaving for LGBTQ+ youth, who experience higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation — almost entirely due to social context, not identity itself. The right therapist can help your teen develop the resilience and self-knowledge to thrive.
You're Not Doing This Alone
If you'd like to start with a parent consultation — to think through what's going on and whether therapy makes sense — we offer that too. You don't have to bring your teen first.